Depression Help—How To Give It To Loved Ones 

• Accept your loved one’s depression.  Don’t judge it.  Don’t do anything to make the person feel   bad about it.

• Ask if you can help.  Yes, it’s that simple.  Just offer to help.  This can be a powerful form of help just by itself.  

• If your loved one wants to get professional help, offer to try and find that help.  Do some research for your loved one.  Don’t, however, be quick to suggest therapy or a trip to the doctor.  A well-meaning nudge to get help can feel like a judgment to a depressed person who already has a poor self image.

• Show and tell the person how much you love them often and in as many ways as you can come up with.  Doing it with phone calls and visits can be great, but sometimes a card or note is even better.  It’s less intrusive to the sufferer.  When you do visit, don’t expect your loved one to be animated or energetic.  Allow them to feel the way they feel.

• Tell your loved one, over and over, that you’re there if you’re needed.  Be sure you make it clear that you don’t feel put out by any request the person may have of you.

• Don’t pester your loved with questions about why he or she feels the way he or she does.  Be willing to listen, but don’t push.

• Never suggest that the person just get their act together.  Don’t guilt a person suffering from depression into getting well.  It doesn’t work.

• Avoid telling your loved one how you never get depressed.  This doesn’t help.

• Encourage activity in a gentle way.  Suggest an outing and maybe even push a little but not so much that your loved one needs to avoid you.

• Contact a professional about depression help if you think your loved one is thinking of harming herself or is considering suicide.  Never leave a possibly suicidal person alone, especially if he has means to commit suicide.

• Pay attention to the symptoms you’re noticing so you can tell a health professional if you need to.  Write them down so you’ll remember.

• Get support for yourself if you live with someone who is severely depressed.  It can be incredibly draining and worrisome to be around people with clinical depression and manic depression.  You need help to.  Don’t be afraid to ask for it.  Join discussion groups online for people who have depressed loved ones.  Or find a group in your community. 

The bottom line of giving depression help to someone you love is to be genuinely helpful and not judgmental.  Your job is not to fix your loved one.  It’s to offer support and assistance.  You need to validate your loved one and let her know that you love her no matter what and you are okay with how she feels and how she’s acting.

 

The best depression help my mother ever gave me when I was in my worst depression years ago was a simple answer to my question, “Do you really want me around, even when I’m like this?”  I was barely moving.  I hadn’t showered in days.  I could barely formulate a decent sentence.  But when I asked that question, Mom said, “Yes, I want you around, even like this.  I always want you around.”

 

That’s it.  It’s that simple.  Let your loved one know that he’s wanted.  Always.  This is the way to give your loved one what he or she needs:  effective depression help.

 

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